FEELINGS
THAT CAN BE EXPERIENCED ARE:
SADNESS:
Usually
manifested by crying. Tears are healing so allow them.
ANGER:
Is
frequently experienced after a loss. It can be one of
the most confusing feelings for the bereaved. We may
feel angry towards:
1) The person who has died, the doctor, other health care professionals,
other people, their spouse and themselves.
2) Friends who still have their loved ones.
3) God.
GUILT:
1) Many people blame
themselves by thinking that something they did or something they neglected
to do may have in some way contributed to the death.
2) We often begin to think of all kinds of things we could have done
for our loved one.
3) Some parents feel the death is a punishment for past sins and transgressions.
Usually the cause for these guilt feelings is irrational thoughts. We
need to talk them through with someone and also learn to forgive ourselves.
ANXIETY /FEAR:
A
general fear that something else terrible and devastating
could suddenly happen to hurt us when they know we are
so vulnerable.
LONELINESS:
Intense
feelings of loneliness and emptiness often accompanied
by a deep aching desire to hold and touch the loved one
again. A feeling of deadness.
FATIGUE:
Can
be experienced as apathy or listlessness.
THOUGHTS:
That
are common in the early stages of grieving. They usually
disappear after a short time.
CONFUSION:
Thinking
is confused, difficulty in ordering thoughts, in concentrating
and making decisions.
PREOCCUPATIONS:
Obsession
with thoughts of the person. These coupled with other grief
reactions make some people feel they are going to pieces.
They fear they are going crazy.
PHYSICAL SENSATIONS
THAT MAY BE EXPERIENCED
Hollowness in
the stomach. Tightness in the chest. Tightness in the
throat. Over sensitivity to noise. Breathlessness, feeling
short of breath. Dry mouth. Weakness in the muscles.
Lack of energy. A sense of depersonalisation- "I
walk down the street and nothing seems real, including
myself”
BEHAVIOURS
THAT MAY OCCUR
SLEEP
DISTURBANCES:
It is not unusual for people
who are in the early stages of grief to experience sleep
disturbances. At night you may go over the event again
and again. Sleep disturbances sometime require medical
intervention, but for many people it corrects itself
unaided.
APPETITE DISTURBANCES:
Can
be overeating or under eating. Under eating is more common.
ABSENT MINDED:
Newly
bereaved may find themselves acting in an absent¬minded
way or doing things that may cause themselves inconvenience.
SOCIAL WITHDRAWAL:
Some
wish to withdraw from other people. Usually a short-lived
feeling.
DREAMS OF THE DECEASED:
It
is very common to dream of the dead person. They can be
normal kinds of dreams or distressing dreams or nightmares.
SERCHING AND CALLING OUT:
Not
infrequently somebody may call out the name of the loved
person with an associated comment.
SIGHING:
Frequently seen among the bereaved. It closely
resembles the physical sensation of breathlessness.
RESTLESS OVERACTIVITY:
A
need to be always doing something.
CRYING:
Tears
relieve emotional distress.
VISITING PLACES OR CARRING
OBJECTS:
That remind the survivor of the
deceased.
TREASURING OBJECTS:
That
belonged to the deceased.
GRIEVING:
Is
something that takes time. Professionals have attempted
to put a time to it based on their studies of bereavement
and have quoted two years. This is an average assessment
and it can vary greatly from person to person.
TO TALK:
Is
a necessary precondition to the resolution of grief